"How did you find your way..."

If you know Kem, then you know the rest of the song. Have you ever been in love? Have you ever allowed yourself to truly be loved? The moment we believe that we are in control, we quickly realize that this is not the case, especially in matters of the heart. The heart tends to lead us to new and old, pastimes and persons.

It is often difficult for us to love ourselves and to fully forgive our own mistakes and transgressions. Once we permit ourselves to enter into our own hearts and love again, we also open the doors of our hearts to love in its most awesome form—agape love that is. Agape love passes all understanding and has no color lines—no boundaries.

According to theorists, there are six types of love: eros, ludus, storge, pragma, mania, and agape. Many people continue to subject themselves to the wrong type of love. The classic "break-up to make-up" kind of love, also referred to as mania; if there’s no drama present then it seems as though the love is missing. At times it becomes so embedded within our psyche that we find ourselves chanting Destiny’s Child’s “I’m through with it love!” We constantly put ourselves in unhealthy, unstable situations and relationships where we feel obliged to make it work because he or she is a good man or a good woman. The pertinent question is by whose standards?

Many of us idolize love and the institution of marriage, constantly searching for the man or woman of our dreams. By so doing, we never allow ourselves to seek what we really deserve and desire; most importantly, we tend to disregard what we really need. Love and marriage are not toys that can be played with in their prime and later placed on a shelf to collect dust when one or both parties become bored with love and or marriage. Indeed, marriage is something that is serious and ever-changing. American society has caused us to believe that we should expect an undesirable outcome and therefore we except mediocrity. Fifty percent of American marriages end in divorce—this is not a coincidence.

Are we ready to work? At the age of her early to mid-twenties, a woman is perceived to be in her prime. After her twenty-fifth birthday, she quickly becomes “Christmas cake,” as the Japanese would say; who wants Christmas cake after December 25th? It’s old, it’s used, and therefore it’s not as desired. Should this be the standard? Why do people wait to marry older? Does it really matter if two people love each other at a younger age and decided to commit their lives to each other under the covenant of God? Some would argue the alternative is better; it is better for a young person to date around and explore what he or she likes.

If a young woman or man happens to be blessed to find their love, their partner at an earlier age, they should allow their heart to love while the love is alive. Unfortunately, due to cultural preferences and what is emphasized, many young adults decide to pass on agape love and later settle for mediocrity and potentially divorce. Young people should allow themselves to love others and to fall completely in love—with the right person of course. Fortunately, there is hope. “If you love something, let it go; if it comes back it’s yours; if it doesn’t, it never was.” If you happen to find love and go toward what society promotes, which is to pursue your individuality, when you wake up from the madness, your blessing of love can and will be revealed if you allow it to be. Open your heart up to love again--love for your family, your friends and your significant other.

Love is kind. Love is gentle. Love harder. Love smarter. Embrace love—or the spirit will die.